The world is changing rapidly but marriage and weddings are a tradition people enjoy upholding. Let’s discuss a prominent one: Asking her father to have her hand in marriage.
Nowadays, asking the father of your fiancé-to-be if you can marry his daughter is more a matter of respect than permission. There is a whole camp of people who see the tradition as a sexist example of women once again being viewed as property men get to trade. Definitely understandable. However, most women think it’s pretty adorable and gentlemanly. A conversation about marriage with her dad (or other significant family member—we’ll get there) is a rite of passage. Even if your soon to be father-in-law doesn’t seem like a man of tradition, he’ll find the gesture respectful. Here are a few things to think about before scheduling a meetup with pops (and her mom, if you can swing it).
Be sure your girlfriend agrees with marriage.
How sweet for you to get his permission and then—uh oh, she said no. Awkward. Regardless of how her father feels about it, having an adult conversation about marriage with your significant other is a good idea. Don’t feel like you need to wait until the “right” time. Some couples get married early into their relationship while some wait years or never marry at all. It is important to know where each other stands, wherever that may be.
Organize a conversation with your girlfriend’s dad.
There’s a good chance you and your girlfriend don’t live near her parents, but if so, a little FaceTime never hurt anyone. If you are in the same area, plan to meet him (and/or her mom) for a sneaky coffee or beer. Sometimes the conversation can happen during a visit with the parents; if you can pull her dad aside and have a chat, all the better.
Express your feeling about your girlfriend to her father
If all this makes you feel a little queasy, that’s okay. A lot of men struggle with expressing their feelings, especially when talking to other men. Take a full body breath and remember your driving force. Let him know how much you love his daughter. If you’re speaking from the heart, he’ll see the emotions and the words should flow from there. Remember that this conversation doesn’t need to be a grandiose heart to heart—simply two men discussing a woman they both love to the moon and back.
Ask for his blessing for you two
Nobody owns anyone else so try not to think of it as asking for permission. What you’re after is his blessing, and his respect for you two and your life together. Explain your excitement to spend the rest of your life with his fantastic daughter. Tell him that you’ll always cherish and protect her. And remember, she is his little girl. Be prepared for his reaction to be anything from resistance to tears. Hold space for his emotions and allow him to hold space for yours.
Choose an engagement ring, it’s Proposal time
Now that everything has gone smoothly with her dad, it’s time to pop the question. If you haven’t picked out an engagement ring, DiamondNet has you covered. Proposing might feel a little scary, but it’s something you and your love will remember forever. A little thoughtfulness now might mean all the romantic memories down the line.
Note: if your boo isn’t close with her father (or he isn’t around) investigate whether she has other relatives that she’s close with. Having this discussion with them is just as powerful.